Strength

No cute little intro or beating around the bush, the last few days have been rough for me.  My natural state is “Sally Sunshine,” but with a pet getting sick, my mom’s health being up and down and my husband and I bickering (mostly emotions from the sick pet situation…we thought we may have to make that difficult call, but didn’t need to at this time), my spirit was shot.

Tired.

I felt like someone was sitting on my chest.

UGH.  Pain is the worst.

Saturday, I attended an event at y12 yoga. A quick word about that studio itself,  I really appreciate what that studio is about.  They offer lots of free community classes and do events to target people of color to come out!  Super cool and I met some cool chicks!

The event is called Namaslay.  Yoga to Beyonce.  Who would miss that experience?

The cool thing was that there were allllllll shapes, sizes, colors and levels of experience in that packed room and the energy was on 1000!  I loved being a part of this inaugural event. The founder of the event was super sweet and wanted to make sure everything went off without a hitch.

There were facials, massages, and 5 minute reiki introductions after a relaxing meditation and fun yoga session.

Speaking of the yoga session.  This is the first time that I have attended an event outside of my studio (not counting the parking lot at Jade and Clover 🙂 ) that I walked in there feeling strong and prepared.

I know my asanas.

I know and can feel my alignment.

I know when and how to breathe.

My heart was heavy, but in that 30-45 minutes, all of my strength was on my mat.  I needed to feel that.  This was the first time that other people had to look at me to figure out what pose she was talking about.  Truthfully, even though I was in a room full of people, my eyes were closed half of the time because I needed to just be with myself that day.  I certainly didn’t feel like sharing my funky energy.  I wanted to absorb everyone else’s positive vibes and leave my funk out of it.

I left that practice, still carrying a little funk, but I felt stronger.  Reassured that “I” would return after I worked through all of the mess on my heart.

Quick word about reiki.  Honestly, I have always been wary of it.  I mean, really energy cleansing?  How can these people know anything about me without knowing me?  I mean, I’m a counselor and an empathetic by nature, so I know what it means to “feel” people. I was in there for all of 5 minutes and she told me there was a lot of pain in my heart chakra.

Has she been at my house?!  How the hell did she know that was how I was feeling? I’ll be exploring this more. Stay tuned for developments.

Sunday, I was still feeling a little funky and the husband is totally freaked out if I’m sad (because it’s very rare), so I had to force him to go hang out with his friends as he didn’t want to leave me and I put the diffuser on in my little “lady den” that I’m working on.  I didn’t intend to practice, exactly, but I wanted the space to be clear if I decided to do so.

He left and I wandered in there and did 5 sun salutations.  Very intentional with my breath, keeping it slow and deep. UGGHHHH.  My spirit needed that sooo much.  It was just such a little thing, but I felt a bit lighter after that.  I took a shower, prepped breakfast for the week, snuggled my pup a little tighter and watch a tv show and laughed.  Little glimpses of me right there, after only 5 sun salutations.

While I’m not the traditional, strict version of a “yogi,” I am starting to really understand what going to my mat, in moments of uncertainty and discomfort, really mean.  That is a place that I can feel safe and consistent.  Through sickness, life changes, ups and downs, breath will always be there.  Even when I get to old to flow, I will always have breath.  It makes me emotional to feel that new connection to my practice.

Thank goodness I haven’t been PMS-ing or on my period during these last few days. I would have been a complete disaster…lol

Change is the only constant and I will continue to flow through the changes.

Also, those of you that are like “What’s up with that marriage?!” We are fine.  We are just both hyper sensitive to each other and we struggle with that balance of who can be sad and who has to be strong and dealing when both of us are sad. We haven’t had to deal with significant loss in our lives, so presented with the possibility of putting a dog down or accepting our aging parents, we get thrown all the way off sometimes.  We will have to let go eventually and we will figure out how to do that together without trying to murder each other….lol.

Also, our pup is on the mend.  It just gets scary because he’s old and has a host of issues.  He’s like a little Energizer battery.  Takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’.  His little fighting spirit is so inspirational.

Life is coming!  Make sure you have what you need to stay strong! 🙂

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s