Noticing Changes

Ashtanga Monday was intense and I was dripping sweat. Amazing way to start my week as usual.  I had my  Tuesday training session at my gym and I was really looking forward to gentle yoga on Wednesday to work out all of those muscles.

No life changing moments in yoga this week…exactly.  I straight up took a nap on the bolster when we did savasana the first time.  Like to the point that when she said “come back into awareness,” I forgot that I wasn’t at home.  I guess my little studio is starting to feel like home!

That little nap told me that I feel comfortable and safe there and it also told me that I’m stressed as hell.  I have noticed that I am more becoming more dialed in when it comes to my emotions and where I am holding things in my body. Now, I am at work or in traffic or even talking to my husband and noticing my shoulders tense up more or me squeezing my tummy (holding emotions there is a whole other story), but I am aware more often and I am taking deep breaths and trying to relax.

I’m not going to front, 2017 has been a challenge.  Both of our dogs (who are old anyway) got sick early in the year, but are both hanging in there and happy, now.  My mom is having health struggles, my mother-in-law is having health struggles, it seems like most people I work with are breaking down and having health (physical and mental) issues and taking extended leaves from work.  Even my husband is struggling through his own anxiety surrounding his businesses.

I feel like all I can do is try to continue to be a light and be strong through all of this, but it is getting harder with so much darkness surrounding me.  I can feel my body is tired even when I’m rested, I feel mentally tired.

I feel as though this journey is becoming much more than gaining strength and flexibility and the ability to quiet my mind.  It is morphing into something more to help me maintain mental balance (I see why yoga is positive for those that struggle with mental illnesses), and work through emotions in a different way.  When I was a kid, dance was the movement that I associated with processing my emotions and struggles.  I was a super well-adjusted kid with coping skills beyond my years.

I think yoga will be that processing movement for me as an adult.

I need to take hold of the things that I can control and find joy in those things.  Decluttering the house is something that has been pressing on my spirit for weeks.  I started with my closet a little bit, but I can go harder and get rid of pictures and awards and things that I never look at but just have.  The minimizing process may be something that I start to include in this journal as I’m sure it will be more emotional than I think.

I have felt the urge to have less meat.  We had two veggie meals this week and I have had chicken only once this week.  I would like to continue on that path.  More veggies, less meat.  My husband even said that he always feels amazing the next day after having black bean and sweet potato burritos.  I think going in that direction would be good.

I say all this to say, yoga is helping me to delve deeper into the corners of my mind and clear the cobwebs.  I certainly have plenty of work to do! 🙂

Intentions for the weekend:  Minimize, be strong, be well.

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