The Great Kid Divide

Let me begin this by saying I really love kids.  People are automatically on the defense when the topic of children come up and I say I have none and plan on having none.  I’m not sure why people are so offended and shocked by this, but it is what it is.  I have worked with kids since I was an assistant dance teacher when I was 12.  I am now 35 and the best aunt, godmother, school counselor to hormonal middle schoolers, that I can be.  I love working with them, and I also love going home to my quiet house to recharge for the next day.

In the beginning of our relationship, my husband and I thought that we would totally have a kid or two.  Our friends were popping them out left and right and we thought we would work on that eventually too.  We got married, I started grad school, I finished grad school, I got a new job, we caught the travel bug and the whole baby conversation came to a screeching halt. Our parents are older, we don’t have a super tight network of parent friends, so we knew that if we decided to go down this road, we would be going at it alone.  No one to help us watch the child if needed.  Hell, I have a hard time finding the right person to watch our dogs, I couldn’t imagine trying to find a sitter for a child.

My husband started a new business venture, we started focusing on our fitness, and more of our friends started to have kids and dwindle away.  I felt the sting much more than he did as a few of his friends don’t have significant others or babies, so he still had folks to kick it with.  Me?  Not so much.  Even when we would go to dinner with our friends, baby would be front and center and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise with my mom friend as she was preoccupied. Understandably.  I have seen her 3 times in the last 2 years.

We just returned from a vacation with a group of friends, who now all have children.  Granted they left their children at home for this trip, they brought their best parent game, including not venturing to do anything too dangerous, not staying up late to hang out and bond, talking about their kids the majority of the time and waking up at the ass crack of dawn.  We had that same trip 7 years ago and it was full of fun and staying up late and goofing off.  This time was so different.

Those of you reading this thinking, “Oh she needs to grow up,” you need to hush.  The responsibility of a child is a great one, but me not having one doesn’t make me any less responsible.  I still have bills to pay and parents that are growing older to take care of, in addition to my husband, dogs, friends and myself.

I also realize that this is a part of life, but it does get lonely in this lane.  Not having another person like me to hang out with and talk to about non child things and someone that doesn’t have to cancel plans for the 19th time because there is no sitter, the baby is teething, sick, pissed off or whatever.

Mom tribes run deep because you are all getting put through the wringer and I’m sure you want to do it together, but don’t forget your home girl that has been there for you for the longest, through breakups, makeups, shenanigans, good times and bad times.

Just because I am not having kids, does not mean that I have anything against kids or their parents.  I just miss my friends.  Making new friends as an adult is MAD awkward, but I’ll try!  Now accepting applications for some new friends that have older children or no children…lol

So I say all of this to say, I will continue to happily travel, workout,  live my life and love the kids that are in my world, just not in my house. 🙂



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